Vienna’s Habsburg Opulence: From Classical Art to Drag Balls

Vienna by JJ KeyesI was a foreign exchange student in Germany back in the early 90’s. One of the highlights of my adventure abroad was a week-long excursion to Vienna. I got my first glimpse of Habsburg opulence at the Belvedere, devoured a genuine Sacher Torte at the Hotel Sacher, discovered Hundertwasser at the Kunst Haus Wien, and snuck out in the evening for schnitzel and Riesling at the Goldener Spiegel.

I’ve spent the last decade and a half daydreaming about dashing men in suits, smokey coffee houses, Mozart in the streets, and the art in abundance.

When Tom Dedek and the Vienna Tourism Board invited me to return to this great European capital I jumped.

197971_10150422346100487_1376741_nI made a Mozart and Wagner playlist on my ipod and slept like a baby on the Austrian Airlines direct flight from JFK to Vienna International Airport. When I woke up, my high school Deutsch flooded back, inspired by the handsome flight attendant who welcomed us to Austria.  I took the CAT train into town, checked into the fabulous Levante Parliament Hotel, right in the middle of town, and started a journey to remember.

Here are my recommendations for the ultimate Austrian tasting and touring adventure:

 

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Vienna Taste

Eat your heart out, Seattle. Vienna is known for the best coffee houses in the world. Vienna’s first coffee house opened shortly after the Austrians defeated the Turks in 1683. Don’t even think about asking for a Quad Venti Soy (insert generic Starbucks drink). Opt for a Brauner (coffee with milk) or the popular Melange (coffee and hot milk) at a coffee house of your choice, really any coffee house. That’s how good they are.

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Kleines Cafe is a tiny spot (smallest coffee house in Vienna) to people watch, read the paper, or contemplate the concept of beauty over a cup of Joe. Nearby, Cafe Berg is the ultimate gay coffee house, a long-time meeting place for queer Austrians and tourists alike to gather before a night out. Mozart and Beethoven both used to play at the more formal Cafe Frauenhuber (save room for dessert!).

If you have more of an appetite, venture over to the 7th district for lunch at Schon Schon or stay close to the Naschmarkt and grab a bite at the Cafe Willendorf. You might recognize the giant sculpture of the Venus of Willendorf in the dining room. Didn’t pay attention in Art History 101? Shame! Go to the Naturhistorisches Museum and see the sculpture. Replenish your energy with a snack upstairs in the museum cafe.

You’re on your own for dinner, but there are plenty of options. Be sure your concierge books a reservation at the Palmenhaus, which used to be the Orangery of the Emperor’s Palace. If you’re looking for more swank, get funky over at MOTTO. The decor is sexy, the waiters hot, the customers sharply dressed, and the food so delicious and naughty you’ll need a cigarette after each course. MOTTO is the place to see and be seen, so classy that Helmut Lang used to wait tables there back in the day.

Vienna by JJ KeyesVienna Tour

If you skipped lunch to see the Venus of Willendorf you can cross it off on your list. Across the Maria Theresa-Theresia-Platz is the Museum of Fine Arts (Kunsthistorisches Museum). Get up close and personal to Velazquez, Vermeer, Rembrandt, and Bruegel. Many of the other great museums in Vienna can be found in the Museum and Townhall Quarter. Emperor Franz Joseph commissioned most of the Habsburg buildings and monuments along the Ringstrasse. Just west, you will find more art than your eyes can gather.

Start in the MuseumsQuartier Wien, which houses more than twenty cultural landmarks. Hit the Leopold Museum and the MUMOK no matter what. In the Leopold Museum you will discover the world’s largest collection of Egon Schiele paintings and a vibrant collection of Expressionist works. The MUMOK is the go-t0 for international and Austrian modern art dating from the 20th Century. Make a point to duck into the Secession when you’re in the Inner Stadt. Back in 1897 Klimt and his band of outsiders formed a spectacular club called the Secession. The basement of the building houses Klimt’s masterpiece, the Beethoven Frieze.

Vienna by JJ KeyesIf you’re in the mood for rococco and glitz, the Hofburg Museum will make you feel like a Habsburg. Visit gay camp icon Empress “Sisi” Elisabeth in the Sisi Museum and learn more about archduke Ludwig Viktor “Luziwuzi,” notorious for his cross-dressing and his gay escapades (check out the Kaiserbrundl for a more intimate glimpse into Luziwuzi’s pastime).

For more pomp and circumstance, head to the Schonbrunn Palace, the Habsburg’s “summer home.” You will certainly feel like Maria Theresa as you strut your stuff through the outdoor maze. Who knows, you might find a handsome duke on the lawn (or in the bushes).

Craving something slightly more baroque? Take the train to the Belvedere (not to be confused with the all-male Belvedere in Fire Island). The Belvedere’s two palaces, the Upper and Lower Belvedere, were built in the 18th century as the summer residence for Prince Eugene of Savoy. Hungry for more of Klimt’s blushing gingers? The Upper Belvedere houses the world’s largest collection of his artwork.

 

Vienna Nightlife by JJ Keyes

Vienna Nightlife

All cultured out? Head back to the Levante Parliament for a quick disco nap before hitting the town. Felixx is the perfect place to kick off your martinis for the night. There are plenty of great cafes and bars to hit before the witching hour. If you run into Austrian icon Miss Candy (you’ll know when you see her) be sure to buy her a cocktail or five.

But remember, you have more things to taste and see tomorrow, so don’t stay out too late. Unless, of course, Miss Candy insists you escort her to a ball. Then all bets are off.

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