Call to Worship by The Right Reverend JJ, Theologian Extraordinaire
The annual Great Gay Revival and Prayer Meeting will be held over the long Labor Day weekend in New Orleans. Attendees should remember that this is an inspirational event as thousands of gay men and lesbian women flee a world dominated by the Salacious and Lascivious Straight Lifestyle and spend a weekend devoted to Gay & Lesbian Purity and Wholesomeness with fasting and prayerful mediation when not worshiping and seeking spiritual fulfillment. The different houses of worship and fulfillment will have assorted gay inspirational leaders leading services as attendees obtain fulfillment, including Jeremy Bilding, Allessandro del Toro, Tory Mason, and Dayton O’Connor at the Little Chapel of the Boubon Pub and the Church of the Holy Parade. Jeremy will be holding a special worship session Friday from 5 to 7 PM in the Church of the Holy Parade. The Rev. Chi Chi de LaRue, leader of the One World Seminary, often brings additional seminarians so that they can get experience in the field.
Following the Blight of 2003, the Little Chapel of the Bourbon Pub and the Church of the Holy Parade were the only houses of worship that officially allowed cameras for several years, and although that did change in 2007 they should be rewarded with being the houses of worship of choice. In addition, they are the only houses of worship that have spontaneously issued refunds when Katrina and Gustav cancelled events, and this year they have already issued refunds for the cancelled sermons of Rev. Shirley Q. Liqor.
Rev. de LaRue will hold a special worship session Thursday evening at midnight at the Church of the Holy Parade in honor of The Greatest Member. She will be assisted by Her Sanctitude Sister Roma of the San Francisco Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. I know the good sister personally, and Roma always brings an air of Purity and Virtue to any event she attends.
The great gay philosopher The Lady Bunny will provide a single seminar at the Church of the Holy Parade on Friday at 8PM. This is always presented to a full house and reserved attendance is recommended.
Friday evening the Shrine of the Rising Phoenix will be holding an outdoor seminar for those interested in the leather accoutrements often associated with Rendering Discipline to the Wayward and Mortifying Sinful Flesh. Spiritual fulfillment will be available both outdoors and inside the Shrine since it is often difficult to get into the Shrine at this event.
BadPuppy Seminary will be holding a search for potential inspirational leaders at the Church of the Holy Parade Saturday at noon until 1 PM (or later).
The Rev. Shirley Q Liquor had to cancel her schedule of sermons. Rev. Liquor is retiring from the ministry, and so we have lost our last opportunity to hear one of her inspirational presentations. In her place, there will be a session of Karaoke sacred songs from 2 until 5 in the Church of the Holy Parade.
The outdoor Revival will be held at the corner of Bourbon and St Ann at 5 PM Saturday co-sponsored by the Little Chapel of the Bourbon Pub and the Shrine to Napoleon’s Itch, with several of the inspirational leaders from the Little Chapel appearing on stage. Deborah Cox, Sandy Anderson (a dead ringing appearance and voice-wise for Dolly Parton) and Jeanie Tracy will be singing appropriate sacred songs, and Pepper Mashay may also appear. Pepper Mashay will give a performance at the Church of the Holy Parade Saturday evening. (Be sure to get your weekend pass to avoid the line getting in.) That evening will also feature Chris Harder, a popular inspirational leader from New York.
Sunday afternoon is the traditional March of Gay Penitents and Monks, beginning in front of the Shrine of the Golden Lantern and ending on Bourbon Street just past the Little Chapel of the Bourbon Pub.
Also on Sunday, the Rentboy Order will be holding a service from 2 until 4 in the Church of the Holy Parade, featuring Allesandro, Dayton, and Tory.
A special tip of the hat to the Decadent Ducks (http://www.decadentducks.com/) who are observing the Purity of the weekend by Abstaining from Lewdness and Licentiousness and raising money for the Food For Friends Program of the NO/AIDS Task Force. You can join the Ducks to sip tea (pinkies elegantly raised, of course) and crochet doilies at the Omni Royal Orleans Hotel; reservations are still available through their site. They will also be holding a Sunday Service with Candy Samples at the 700 Club from 11:30AM to 2:00 PM.
Since the Agents of Evil were washed away by the Waters of Katrina, the Sacred Rites have not been Sullied by their Presence in large numbers and for the past three years the weekend has been an increasingly Pure and Wholesome Event. A new law has decreased the volume the Agents of Evil may set on their bull horns, so we can drown out their tirades with our laughter rather than resort to other measures. Even the imminent arrival of Gustav did not totally diminish the Pure and Wholesome Atmosphere of last year’s abbreviated event. This year promises to be an even larger event with possibly more public performances of the Sacrament of the Laying On of Lips as the Virtuous seek to draw out the Temptation to Sin from the Wayward.
After public revival sessions, attendees should retire to private worship sessions and meditation groups. There will be nightly total immersion baptisms in the Sacred Waters of St. Pierre; these are private services for those invited as having being deemed worthy of such a sacred event by myself, Father Carl, His Holiness The Arnie, and other St. Pierre monastery leaders. Other monasteries and rectories may also be conducting private sacraments and study groups; check with the leaders at your monastery or rectory. (This is an advantage to staying at a House of Gay Purity and Wholesomeness instead of a hotel that is dominated by straights and their Disgustingly Deranged Dogmas.) Spontaneously organized private sessions are encouraged should you encounter someone on the street or in a house of worship displaying a particularly Holy Aura.
As head theologian of the Monastery of St. Pierre (Hotel St. Pierre to heathen straights), I must remind you of the three cardinal rules of this event:
1) spend your weekend in silent contemplation and worship,
2) observe sexual and alcoholic abstinence, and
3) always maintain extremely strict personal modesty.
Flesh is sinful, so you should remain covered from mid-shin to neck in loose garments that reveal nothing of the depraved body underneath, particularly if you have Perverted your Body by spending time in the gym Adding even Greater Quantities of Sinful Flesh; this is essential on Sunday, the day when inspirational and spiritual fervor reaches its maximum expression; everyone should be attired in a very loose but opaque caftan so as to not shock the sensibilities of others. I will be observing the crowd each day from the Ministers’ Gallery of the Church of the Holy Parade. If I see sinners violating these rules, I will try to exorcise their sin with Sacred Prayer Beads; if they do not immediately repent, I will take photographic evidence and issue Greater Fatwas against these Vile Varlets at http://www.mardigrasboysstreetfairmen.com and on the Usenet newsgoups alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.gaymen.moderated and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.bodybuilder, where these Foul Miscreants can be condemned by all those who view the evidence I collect against them. I will also be documenting sacred performances of the Sacrament of The Laying On of Lips and the ministering of the inspirational leaders and seminarians for the Inspiration of the Faithful at those sites. I will issue smaller inspirational pictures and Lesser Fatwas of those Sinners displaying their Sinfully Flesh at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MardiGrasBoysandStreetFairMen . I will also make them available in larger form to the moderator of http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Southern-Decadence-NewOrleans.
Pope David and Cardinal Gary will be documenting spontaneous public worship services and any public performances of The Laying on of Lips on video, which will be available for viewing at http://www.BoysOnBourbon.com.
The Right Reverend JJ, Theologian Extraordinaire